of fingernails and 2 coins...
As mentioned in the previous post, we got a lesson in parenting last night. We were sitting and waiting for our turn at Dr Tan’s clinic when this couple and their son came in and sat next to us. The mother was updating to the father the daily stuff with their son. Although, I don’t like to listen to other’s conversation I can help getting intrigued by how kiasu competitive some people are. This mother was telling how their son can memorize the alphabet and how he can count etc. That’s pretty normal but then came the crap part. She start telling her husband about this and that other kid in the nursery that cannot memorize the alphabet cannot count to 10 and this and that. 'This and this la cannot count backward.' Then came the complaining that this and that teacher is not good and how their son is so much smarter. I think it is good that she affirm her son’s intelligence and capability but I think talking down on others and complaining is really not necessary. That was lesson one.
Then came lesson 2. She start to tell the husband about the teacher saying that their son is not doing enough of his writing exercise. Then she started to ridicule her son, saying things like ‘you are so lazy and teacher say you never do your writing exercise’. Father is not helping too, in fact, he also chipped in. That got the son very irritated and he shouted and threw a tantrum. That happened for a few minutes and when the mother saw that he is not stopping, she tried to coax him by saying that she will give him money for every word he write in the exercise book and showed her money to him and promising to give him. I am not sure if that worked but the boy kept shouting saying he wants money. Probably he have been thru this before and expects money for doing exercises. I guess the mom got the message and eventually threatened (I think threaten is a mild word here) the boy and say that if he did not stop, she will take a stick and drag him out in front of everyone and beat him. She said id loudly within everyone’s earshot I might add. Then the boy quiet down. I am not trying to be a moral judge here but I truly think that ridiculing a kid is really not right, if in jest and everyone knows it, then probably ok, but in this case the boy looks really distressed. Then I also realized that probably we have grown more and more into a materialistic society because we were preconditioned to receive monetary rewards for perceived good actions to the point that it became an expectation.
And that’s not all, after the boy have quiet down a bit, and probably the mom felt bored, she started to nitpick on the boy again saying that he does not want to cut his nails. I think the boy must have some phobia about cutting nails (understandably as for a small kid and having something so sharp so near to your fingers can be a bit scary), and he started his screaming process again. Mom is not helping the situation, in fact she is aggravating it by ridiculing the boy saying he is dirty and such. Then came the bribing that if he let her cut his nails she will give him one coin. The boy bargained for 2 coins but mommy stuck to her guns. That got the boy riled up and he threw a bigger tantrum. Seeing that, the mom ignored him and chatted with the father trying to push aside the topic. But the boy have already had his sights on getting 2 coins and keep to his tantrum. Seeing that mom and dad is ignoring him, he threw himself at his mom and beat her (seriously!). and I might add that dad was as animated as a dead wood when he saw this. Mom ignored the boy but he kept to that until mom gave up and offered him 2 coins and told him to be quiet. When the boy have settled down, mom again felt bored and pulled the boy over to her. She took out a nail clipper which scared the boy, but she promised him that she will not cut his finger nails and that she just want to have a look at his fingers. But she went ahead and cut anyway. The boy cried but the mom keep saying that ’no I wont cut one I am just liking at it only’ and goes on cutting. I think either she has a very dumb boy for not knowing that his fingernails are being cut or she is really dumb to think that she can lie to her son and thought that he wouldn’t know it.
I am not saying that I am mr goodie two shoes and that I will not do the same thing, in fact I might be very tempted to do some of the thing that the mother do. I am not trying to be a moral compass, but I seriously don think that I will raise girl girl up like that. For one I don’t think lying (especially to a small kid) and ridiculing kids is something that is right. I think that kids do look up to their parents as a template of who /what they will be in the future and if you do not want your kids to be some one that you might not like then don’t be one yourself.
Anyway, as a footnote, I remember what Isaac’s mom told me once. ‘You can have all your grand visions of how/what /when/why about raising your kid, but when the kid really comes, all hell will break loose and you will not remember any of your grand visions.’ I guess she is right and I think only time can tell. All I can do now is to hope for the best.
Then came lesson 2. She start to tell the husband about the teacher saying that their son is not doing enough of his writing exercise. Then she started to ridicule her son, saying things like ‘you are so lazy and teacher say you never do your writing exercise’. Father is not helping too, in fact, he also chipped in. That got the son very irritated and he shouted and threw a tantrum. That happened for a few minutes and when the mother saw that he is not stopping, she tried to coax him by saying that she will give him money for every word he write in the exercise book and showed her money to him and promising to give him. I am not sure if that worked but the boy kept shouting saying he wants money. Probably he have been thru this before and expects money for doing exercises. I guess the mom got the message and eventually threatened (I think threaten is a mild word here) the boy and say that if he did not stop, she will take a stick and drag him out in front of everyone and beat him. She said id loudly within everyone’s earshot I might add. Then the boy quiet down. I am not trying to be a moral judge here but I truly think that ridiculing a kid is really not right, if in jest and everyone knows it, then probably ok, but in this case the boy looks really distressed. Then I also realized that probably we have grown more and more into a materialistic society because we were preconditioned to receive monetary rewards for perceived good actions to the point that it became an expectation.
And that’s not all, after the boy have quiet down a bit, and probably the mom felt bored, she started to nitpick on the boy again saying that he does not want to cut his nails. I think the boy must have some phobia about cutting nails (understandably as for a small kid and having something so sharp so near to your fingers can be a bit scary), and he started his screaming process again. Mom is not helping the situation, in fact she is aggravating it by ridiculing the boy saying he is dirty and such. Then came the bribing that if he let her cut his nails she will give him one coin. The boy bargained for 2 coins but mommy stuck to her guns. That got the boy riled up and he threw a bigger tantrum. Seeing that, the mom ignored him and chatted with the father trying to push aside the topic. But the boy have already had his sights on getting 2 coins and keep to his tantrum. Seeing that mom and dad is ignoring him, he threw himself at his mom and beat her (seriously!). and I might add that dad was as animated as a dead wood when he saw this. Mom ignored the boy but he kept to that until mom gave up and offered him 2 coins and told him to be quiet. When the boy have settled down, mom again felt bored and pulled the boy over to her. She took out a nail clipper which scared the boy, but she promised him that she will not cut his finger nails and that she just want to have a look at his fingers. But she went ahead and cut anyway. The boy cried but the mom keep saying that ’no I wont cut one I am just liking at it only’ and goes on cutting. I think either she has a very dumb boy for not knowing that his fingernails are being cut or she is really dumb to think that she can lie to her son and thought that he wouldn’t know it.
I am not saying that I am mr goodie two shoes and that I will not do the same thing, in fact I might be very tempted to do some of the thing that the mother do. I am not trying to be a moral compass, but I seriously don think that I will raise girl girl up like that. For one I don’t think lying (especially to a small kid) and ridiculing kids is something that is right. I think that kids do look up to their parents as a template of who /what they will be in the future and if you do not want your kids to be some one that you might not like then don’t be one yourself.
Anyway, as a footnote, I remember what Isaac’s mom told me once. ‘You can have all your grand visions of how/what /when/why about raising your kid, but when the kid really comes, all hell will break loose and you will not remember any of your grand visions.’ I guess she is right and I think only time can tell. All I can do now is to hope for the best.
Labels: parenting
posted by Duckie at
9:28 AM
