of waking up and new word...

This morning my little girl used another new word. These days she like to sleep late and what i normally do is to get into my work clothes and sit on the bed while watching her wakes up. As usual she woke up and do her stretched and when she sat up she looked at me and called me Papa. Then she look at me and said her new word "hug" and walked over to me.....

Fowsh!! if she ever learns to attach the words "i need money" to that, I will be broke liao.

of the 'Sleepies' and dentist...

In a very rare turn of fortune, Sue Yi was behaving exceptionally well last Saturday. So we thought that we would take her to the shopping mall today. As usual, our little girl immediately got herself busy looking at everything and ooh'ing and aah'ing all over. Any self respecting baby will know that ooh'ing and aah'ing burns a lot of calories. Soon enough , our little girl was getting cranky and started to cry. Some milk got her to calm down a bit, (enough to get me and wifey through some one handed lunch) but she started again and wanted to be carried.

It seems that little girl was sleepy but the diva in her would not let herself fall asleep and drooling in public. So little girl put up a good fight with the 'Sleepies'.


But fight as she might, she eventually gave in after putting up a heroic battle, the little girl finally tuck her cace to my armpits and fell asleep.


I think there's something special about a baby sleeping in your arms (especially if the baby is yours - duh!). I mean I have patted Sue Yi to sleep on many occasions before but somehow this time it is different. Dunno why.


I am not sure if it's the releive of escaping the public humiliation of not able to handle a crying baby or just the sweet sweet look of Sue Yi sleeping in my arms, but it does really feel good. Really good.

Her face looks so peaceful. The rythmic breathing. The slight movement of her body trying to adjust to a more comfortable position.

Somebody just get me a dentist! She's just so sweet she's giving me a toothache.

of bye bye and missing you...

Sue Yi and Wifey were still sleeping when i left for work this morning and i did not get a chance to say 'bye bye' like i normally do. Now i miss them so much....

of peaceful feeling and gas...

Sue Yi Seem to be growing fast (or at least that’s my impression). Every time I went over to see her, she will look much bigger. Probably an optical illusion, but the thing is that she never fails to give me a peaceful feeling when I see her. Something kind of like a joyful feeling when you see your loved one. Or maybe something like the feeling you get after a long flight and seeing your loved one at the arrival terminal at the airport.
Her skin seems to be fairer these days compared to the days after her bout with jaundice and her face seems to be rounder too. She is also very big on sleeping and will sleep most of the time, even when we went down to see her.

For the past few days the staff at the nursery mentioned that Sue Yi is not sleeping well at night. They suspected gas and according to them he was up crying and feeling uncomfortable throughout the night. Wifey and I also noticed that she have been having a lot of gas lately. She will burp (and fart) most of the time and gets very uncomfortable when doing so. The lady at the confinement center suggested some Chinese medicine and after wifey confirmed with her mom, we gave her the go ahead. I think it did have some effect as wifey told me that Sue Yi is not that gassy. But she still not sleeping well at night. Maybe something else is bothering her…

We also noticed soemthing about Sue Yi, everytime she wants to fart, she will push up her left knee. So i think the cue now is that if she wince and squirm and have her left knee raised up, most probably a 'poot!' will follow.

of a question and a long answer...

I was asked a rather interesting question by geekchic the other day. The question was “Why do you want to be a parent?”. That got me thinking. I guess it’s one of those obvious but potentially profound things that you ask. In any case, in the spirit of “There’s no stupid questions, only curious idiots neurotic engineers”, I will attempt to answer the question.

I guess one might ask back “Why not?”. Isn’t that the nature of things. Grow up, go to school, get a job, buy a house, get married, have a kid or two, grow old and become a prune and eventually expire? Probably that is the easy answer but we all know that it is just avoiding the question. Besides if that is the nature of things, then we might as well be a production line running on generic sequence of events.

The grandiose and utopian part of me would like to think that I am bringing another life into this world and shaping her to the person that she will be. I have always loved the idea of mentoring or you could say teaching a person to bring out their potential. I guess mentoring might not be the right word, but it’s the idea of teaching and sharing knowledge to someone. So, having a kid will be like having a captive audience that hopefully will listen to me. But in all honesty, even now, I just relish the idea of introducing the world to girl girl. There is some special quality about this thing called ‘knowledge’ the more you share it the better you feel because you know that you have in a way made another person’s life better.
Then there is also this thought that with wifey’s good looks and my ….er…… brain (perhaps?), it would have been a big waste if we do not pass down out good genes. But we all know that who am I fooling anyway. Girl girl will be her own person and I bet that the will definitely be the improved version of her parents.

Or perhaps it’s a form of insurance for our old age. I sometimes worry that when wifey and I become old wrinkled prunes, we would have no one to clean up after us. Or take care of us in case we break a hip or something. Or update wifey with the latest celebrity gossips when her eyesight gets too bad that she’s not able to read the gossips megazines. So probably it’s a good idea to invest in some insurance. (note to girl girl: no pressure la. Just make sure we get our yearly overseas trip and daily meals at 5 stras restaurants and we will not complain)

I do also have to admit that I am selfish, what I have, I want more. I am talking specifically about this quality that every human being has: Love. The thing about love is that it come form a bottomless vessel. You can never get enough of it and you can never give out enough that you run out. There may be times or people who have difficulty giving or accepting, but it is to my believe that everyone is capable. So, what is this with me and this selfish thing. For one, I realize that there is a special quality about love. The more you give to others the more it will grow in you. It can never run out. Sort of like the perfect investment. The more you give the more, the more it will grew in you and as a bonus, to more you give it to someone, the more you will receive. So I guess in a way, being a parent allow me to sort of indulge myself in this ‘selfish’ habit of growing myself and my daughter into more loving persons.

Or probably, I get bored easily and need entertainment. So probably a wriggly pink little human being will give me hours of entertainment. But on the downside though, with joy there comes work. So probably I will need to think of ways to make diaper changing and night feeds a fun event. (Mental cue: Tom Sawyer and his white fence trick)

But after all is said and done, I guess the most important to me is that It’s not even about the question of why does one wants to be a parent. It is about What have I done right that God have chosen me (and wifey) to be parents. We must have done something right in out life that God has chose to delive a life through us. I guess there is no greater blessing or privilege than to be handed something so precious and to be entrusted take care of for the rest of your life. Interestingly enough, in a lull during a meeting today, my mind wondered why they call the act of giving birth as delivering a baby. There’s no UPS nor DHL nor poslaju guy to hand anything to you. So why deliver. Then it occurred to me that it is actually the act of something (in this case a little human being) being given and entrusted to you. And then it hit me. this is some heavy stuff. Big responsibility, if I can say so. But whatever God has given to you, He will also provide the necessary add ons, upgrades and accessories to you. In this case, patience by the truckloads, strenght and preseverance by the bundles, good health by the bushels dan lain lain lagi.

of 37th week and being calm...

According to lilypie.com today marks the 37th week of our pregnancy and this means that girl girl is already considered to be in full term. This means that she should be arriving any time soon now. somehow I have not felt the panic or kan cheong yet. All I felt was just a sense of anxiousness. Something probably like an oblivious state of calm. Probably that is good because that will keep me sane, but somehow I do wish that I feel a bit of nervousness or worries because that will keep me on my toes. But let’s not wish for something that I might not be able to handle lest I really get what I wish for.
Wifey is already starting to work from home and will be staying at home until girl girl comes. That means no more free rides to work for me. Have to drive to work myself. And that feeling that I mentioned last time, the one about missing wifey, guess what? It’s back. I miss her even though I know that she’s at home sleeping soundly. I guess it’s probably more to the concern I felt as girl girl is now quite low (in wifey’s tummy) now and that makes wifey’s movement a bit more difficult.
I was chatting with Zowiy the other day and was mentioning about building a PC (since she had done it recently). She mentioned that I should go down to KL (specifically Low Yat) to get all the components as it is very much cheaper there. I told her that I can’t because I am pretty much grounded due to obvious reasons. But cheeky zowiy responded that It is wifey who is grounded and I am actually free. Suggest that I do a weekend trip when wifey goes to confinement. It’ll be only one day and wifey won’t even miss me. (Zowiy, I think you are gonna kena from wifey!). I guess I was kinda surprised (with my own response) when I told her that it would be like ‘main kayu tiga*’. But the actual fact is that I find it hard to be away from wifey these days. Zowiy thinks that I am ‘jiwang’ but I think it’s more of a concern about wifey and girl girl after the delivery.
But I think enough of these soppy stuff. I’d better get to my project and write the full term letter to girl girl.

*main kayu tiga is a malay term for fooling around.

of emails and roller coaster...

I checked my emails just now and got this update from babycenter:

At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Babies born between 37 and 42 weeks are considered full-term; a baby born before 37 weeks is pre-term and after 42 weeks is post-term.) Most likely she's in a head-down position by now, which is optimal for a smooth delivery, but if she isn't head-down next week, your provider may suggest scheduling an external cephalic version, which is a fancy way of saying she'll try to turn your baby manually, by pushing her from the outside of your belly.

Then the thought dawned on me. Oh my God. We are now heading for the home stretch.
I guess it's like that feeling you get when you are in the roller coaster cab all strapped up and waiting for the operator to turn on the switch to start the ride. Brain tells you that you will most probably come out OK and they will be in capable hands, but heart is beating so fast in anticipation of the events to come.
I know for a fact that we have done the best that we can do and we have made sure that we cover as much angle as we can but i guess it is only human to have that lingering worrisome feeling. I geuss having a little bit od worrying feeling is good, coz it keeps you on your toes. But having said that, i should keep it in check so that it does not overwhelm me which will be detrimental.
Wifey is still pretty cool and collected, which really helps. Only occasionally mention minor worries.
In any case there is no getting out of this ride now, so the all I have to do now it to try to enjoy the ride and do what i can along the way.

that feeling thing...

Lately, I have been having a strange feeling. I thought that after all the excitement of knowing about baby, things will be back to a slightly more normal state, but that was not really the case for me. Lately, I have been getting this feeling that I just wants to be close to wifey. It’s not like the having baby happyish giddyness or anything, but just a need be close to wifey. Not really sure how to explain that, but I do sense that I will distinctively miss her the moment she drops me off from work (note to wifey: I do always miss you when you are not around silly! It’s just that I think now I am feeling that it is so real and physical). Can’t really put a finger to it but it is almost like a feeling in your mouth as if you are biting it. Could it be because I wanna be close to baby? Or could it be because of the glow thing that they say about pregnant women? Or could it be plain and pure laziness to go to work and substituting this with the feeling of missing her?
Then there is also the times that she comes to pick me up in the evenings, somehow I will have this dumbass silly smile when I see her coming. Even with bad days in the office, I sometimes find that I will have this dumbass smile. I think probably it’s a natural reaction when I see her as I realize that this pregnancy thing is not easy on her and the least I can do is to give her a dumbass smile to greet her. Anyway, with my record of bad dental health, she had better enjoy these moments coz I don’t really know for sure how long these teeth are going to last.

giddy giddy...

When I saw those words, just went on a 5 million thoughts per minute frenzy. Happy? Yes obviously then in between the blank thoughts there are also thoughts like oh shite, what am I going to do, how will my life change, will I have enough money to sustain the baby oh shite! Am I going to make it, this will really disrupt my routine!! When everything settled a bit after 10 mins or so there is one thought that came to mind, what ever the problem is, people have been doing this since the beginning of life and it will take a big buffoon to really mess it up. Besides God will provide. That I am sure. But amongst all that turmoil, there is this happy-ish giddiness feeling that lingers on.
Anyway, you know how they say about things change when you have your baby? For me, I realized that change that afternoon when wifey came to pick me up from work. I doubt that there are any physical changes in her appearance since the discovery, but I can bet that she really does look different in my eyes from that first moment when she arrived in the car. I really cannot put in words what the difference is but there is this happyish giddiness that I felt.